There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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