me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
