Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
