Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
