Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
