if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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