I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
