shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
