I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
