Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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