Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
