Rock
Scissors
Fuck
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
