your parents love me but you hate me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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