Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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