I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
