It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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