this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
