So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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