I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
