Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
