I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
