It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
