Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
