She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
