hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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