So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
