What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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