I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
