just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
