thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
