My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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