this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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