I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
