Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
