so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
someone threw a dead crab at me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
