I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
