I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
