I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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