Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She told me I should be a condom model.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
