I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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