She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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