Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You're like the curious george of whores
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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