Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
