im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
