2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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