I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
