If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
