Sry I called you an 8
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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