My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
