my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
ok first of all what the fuck
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